John Spritzler's Financial Advice for 2025

Pay heed to these six tips if you want to make a killing

Tip #1. Act fast! Buy as many shares in pitchfork manufacturing companies as you can afford because pitchforks are going to be a hot item as as soon as people discover what president Trump has in mind for Social Security and Medicare.

Now this is a tricky call. On the one hand, Trump has been careful to avoid saying anything that would suggest he aims to cut Social Security and/or Medicare “entitlements.” He has only used the word “cut” in connection with, as he says, “cutting waste, not entitlements.”

But the question is, Why is the ruling class (not just Trump personally) whipping up the conflict over deportations of illegal immigrants so sharply now (as I write about here) if not to divide the have-nots so we will not be able to mount a strong fight against SOMETHING the rulers have in mind that we will hate? Maybe it will be skyrocketing consumer prices caused by (or perhaps just excused by the pretext of) Trump’s big tariffs. Maybe it will be skyrocketing consumer prices blamed on “the sacrifice we must make to rid the nation of the poison of illegal immigrants.” Time will tell what the rulers have in mind to do, but there’s a very good chance it will provoke a strong hostile reaction from the have-nots and your pitchfork stocks will dramatically rise in value.

Tip #2. Buy as many shares in axe manufacturing companies as you can. Here’s why. The price of fuel for heating is going to shoot up and people are going to be relying on any timber they can find to burn in their fireplace or wood stove, and this means they’ll need an axe to split it. (Buy shares in chain-saw companies too, or better yet, hand saws since chain-saws require expensive fuel to operate.) The reason the price of fuel will rise is because the European Union and the United States rulers, in their infinite wisdom, are now boycotting the Russian energy that formerly kept fuel prices low because they don’t like that Russia is preventing the Nazi Kiev regime from carrying out violent ethnic cleansing against Russian speaking people. Furthermore, the U.S. shale gas boom seems to have peaked.

Tip #3. Buy as many shares in bicycle manufacturing companies as you can afford. Why? Because people will have to rely on bicycles instead of cars when fuel gets too expensive. If the U.S. had an excellent network of public transportation (trains are very fuel efficient) then bicycles might not be so necessary, but the automobile tycoons long ago put the kibosh on such a network (in their infinite wisdom, of course.)

Tip #4. Buy as many shares in mimeograph machine manufacturers as you can afford, or find. You laugh, right? You younger folks don’t even know what a mimeograph machine is, uh? Well, here’s the scoop. Back in the day ordinary people with a mimeograph machine could crank out hundreds or even thousands of copies of a printed page, and distribute what was essentially a do-it-yourself news paper. This is how people challenged the power of the mass media (especially in the old Soviet Union when it was called samisdat). Lately mimeograph machines have been replaced by people creating websites. But our rulers don’t like people communicating with each other this way independently of the mass media. At some point our rulers—who, do not forget, totally control the internet and have shut it down when it suits them to do so—will make it prohibitively difficult for ordinary people to reach a substantial audience on the internet. Already the people with the sharpest egalitarian criticisms of the ruling class are ‘shadow banned’ on places such as Facebook and X. More and more people are discovering this clamp down on our use of the internet. What are these people going to do? Mimeograph machines! Don’t be left out. Buy stock in them now before it’s too late. Better yet, invest in new companies that will produce those machines because there may not be any old such companies still in existence.

Tip #5. Buy as many shares in herb companies and in companies that sell herb seeds as you can. Here’s why. The future of health care in the United States is that it will only be available to a) the very rich, or b) the very healthy. This is evident from the fact that UnitedHealthCare, Corp., the leader in denial of health care to those not in category a or b, is on a roll, despite the loss of its recent CEO, as you can read about here. Obviously, the people who are not in category a or b—and there are many millions of us!—will need to provide health care to ourselves. And this means doing it the old fashioned way, with herbs. Herbs therefore are the next BIG THING. Buy stocks in this industry if you want to make a killing (well, maybe that’s not the best metaphor in this case, but you get the point, right?)

Tip #6. This is a no-brainer. Buy as much stock in companies that manufacture tents as you can afford, fast! You’ll be rich before you know it!

For those of you not interested in getting richer than other people, here is something I suggest you do.